Updated: Aug 13
Biffie here again and do I have news for you. Larry, my owner, got a pet dog, and I am a little jealous. So, I decided to remind Larry why I am still the best pet ever. Here are my top 7 reasons:
Extra Mini - We are mini, even micro. People love their miniature pets. We are so small that you can’t even see us unless you have a microscope.
Protectors - We are way better than a guard dog. We guard your gut (you know, all of those tubes that connect your mouth to your butt). We are the army of guards that keep bad invaders from making a home in your body.
Eat Leftovers - Just like a dog, we take your leftovers or scraps. The food that you can’t break down, we take those leftovers and turn them into nutrients for you and into gas.
Multiplying Superpower - You never have to worry about us being lonely. As long as you feed us, we have this amazing superpower where we can multiply ourselves really fast. In just 1 hour, 1 bacterium can multiply into 8 or more bacteria.
Great Cleaners - We help clean up. When you feed us and drink enough water, we make sure to keep your gut tubes very clean. No gunk lingers around with us there.
Grateful - We always tell you "thank you" for feeding us by providing you with the musical gassy notes. I think you humans call our musical notes FARTS, and I believe it is short for "Fabulous ART".
Great Messengers - Did you know that your brain and I are friends and we talk all the time? Your brain sends me chemical messages and I send them right back. You don't have to interpret different loud barks or whines from me.
So don't forget to take care of us amazing helpful gut bacteria pets. I just found out that only 1 out of 10 humans in the USA feed their Biffies enough fiber. More than 90% of women and 97% of men are starving their Biffies. So please, help my friends and I, and tell people to take care of their helpful gut bacteria pets by feeding Biffie. Read the story about my owner, Larry, and how he learned to be a responsible pet Biffie owner in our book Feed Biffie.